Every now and again something happens that reminds me, “Oh yeah, I’ve got a blog. Maybe I should use it.”
So after some prodding and a few kicks in the butt I’m going to try to be more diligent about writing some articles for this blog for the 3 people who are interested in what I have to say.
This series of blogs is coming about by special request.
I’ve been a larger guy pretty much all of my life, and while it’s something that I struggle with and would like to change; we all have to play the hand that we are dealt. While I wouldn’t say that I am anywhere near where I would like to be in life, I was recently approached and asked if I would consider writing a series of blogs aimed at helping bigger guys work through self-esteem issues and the other problems that men face in being overweight. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a success story but being as I started as the least popular kid in the trailer park, maybe I do have some advice that should be shared.
I did a little research and found that in a country where more and more people are getting bigger and bigger, there does seems to be quite a bit more support out there for big beautiful ladies than there is for big handsome men. Maybe this is because we are men and we are supposed to be all tough and independent, and fat or not, we don’t need advice. Bull. So let me break down for you some of the things I have learned and how to turn some of the problems you face being overweight to your advantage.
1. Haters Gonna Hate
Everyone expects that larger people will be given mercilessly tormented during those 12 years of compulsory schooling, but if you think it ever ends it does not. You will always find judging eyes and people who can’t keep their ill-informed opinions to themselves.
There is an advantage to this though. Much as it sucks to be tormented for something that is much more difficult to control than most people think, there are great advantages to having to deal with a great deal of torment.
While some people will be emotionally scarred for life and will never be able to function socially others will develop a thicker skin and while other people are fuming, or breaking into tears, or otherwise freaking out over something small you will have the cool you need to get done what has to get done. Those who have been through and endless barrage of idiocy can approach difficult situations with a level head easier than those who are unaccustomed to others being mean, belligerent, violent, or otherwise difficult.
Long story short, Zombieland is wrong. When the zombie apocalypse hits the fatties won’t be the first to go because we will be able to keep our shit together to figure out various modes of transportation so that we don’t have to worry about being in good enough shape to outrun the undead. So while the former prom queen is getting zombified because she was too busy crying over the fact that her cat Mr. Snuggles got eaten to get to safe ground, us fatties will be zipping around on solar powered motor carts mowing down those zombie bastards.
Not only that, but bigger guys are generally bound to have been in at least one fight in their lives so odds are if push comes to shove you stand a better chance of defending yourself if you absolutely have to.
2. Your dating prospects aren’t as narrow as you would think.
First off all, if you are a bigger guy the worst thing you could do is to let your friends try to set you up on dates. You will soon find that for most people the only method that they use for judging compatibility for larger people is, “you’re fat, she’s fat, you should be a good match.”
Despite what you may think or what society may tell you, it’s not the fact that you are fat that would turn women off from wanting to date you. It’s the stereotypes about fat people that are ruining your chances. If you can defy the following stereotypes then you will find your dating prospects vastly improved.
a. Fat people are lazy and unmotivated.
b. Fat people are generally sloppy in their appearance and hygiene.
c. Fat people have a poor self-image and too many emotional issues.
I will approach each one of these issues in separate blogs.
Knowing a few women that are either currently with or have dated larger men in the past, there is a consensus about bigger men who are able to overcome those three main issues.
Many larger men can be less emotional and don’t take themselves too seriously. Larger men tend to know where to find the best food and entertainment. They are often of a more generous nature making them more attentive in relationships and better lovers. Being well natured, generous and being able to find the best food and entertainment also can lead to prominent positions within various social circles and man’s social position is something that is very important for what a woman looks for in a man.
Now there will be women out there that will dismiss you entirely based upon the fact that you are overweight, but it is something that any larger man will have to get used to in life. You will have to work harder for everything you achieve based on the fact that people are willing to dismiss you right away based on the fact that you are overweight. Statistically overweight people have fewer dating prospects; have harder times finding jobs, apartments, etc, compared to normal sized people.
The bottom line is that you will have to get over the fact that you will be told “No” more often than you can count. You will have to be tenacious and will have to learn to recover quickly from rejection not just to find a suitable mate, but to find a suitable job, a suitable house or apartment, and often times a suitable suit.
3. Don’t give up on yourself.
I do believe that a big part to being able to live a happy life is to be able to live a healthy life, and my weight is my greatest life struggle. Believe me, it irritates me to no end when someone says “Why don’t you just eat less and exercise more?” while they have a metabolism that allows them to stuff their face with beer battered bacon all day long and never gain an ounce.
While food is one of those things that I love and I definitely do not have the control of some people I know to constantly be doing lemon juice only cleanses and crap like that, the fact is that especially as I have hit my 30’s my body is rebelling against me. If I don’t try to eat healthier food and if I am not getting exercise on a regular basis not only do I feel like crap all the time but the numbers on the scale get bigger and bigger. When I am eating healthy and getting exercise on a regular basis, those numbers rarely go down but at least they stay put.
While I would love to one day obtain an action hero body it’s something that the effort to obtain and maintain for me would be an entirely life encompassing effort. Believe me I have tried. (BTW, Gold’s Gym preys upon fatties and will lie to you every which way to lock you into a contract that will bankrupt you if you try to get out of. So don’t make the same mistake I made of trying to get a personal trainer through them.)
The bottom line is that I don’t want to see what I would become if I always ate till I was full instead of when I know I’ve had enough. I don’t want to see what I would become if I never got any exercise (I haven’t been getting enough as is lately and I feel like my joints are filled with broken glass and my muscles have been replaced with bacon.)
Maybe we will never have action hero bodies, or even bodies that allow us to buy our clothes at the Abercrombie and Douchenozzle stores at the mall, but the last thing you want is to have your stinky, bloated carcass have to be lifted out of your house with a crane when your heart finally gives out.
In the words of famous drag queen Rupaul, “If you can’t love yourself, then how the hell can you love anybody else?”
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